Chimes
by Sandzombie
Summary: Janeway and Chakotay receive late night visitors...and get sick of their chimes. Chapter 3 has been revised.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: My first Voyager fan fiction. My Second Ever._

_Thanks to Val for the encouragement through the shyness._

_More to come._

_Disclaimer: If only they were mine. (As all the mistake in this are.)_

**Chimes**

She was marinating. She knew that. Marinating in deliciously warm sweet scented, smooth as silk water when he'd interrupted with his chime. She resisted the nearly overwhelming urge to sink into the waters warm embrace, till all that was visible were the bubbles floating up towards the surface. Racing towards their unfortunate demise.

But she did not.

Instead she took a deep sigh and leaned her head back against the tub. It was not until the third chime that she rose from the water, reluctance resonating in waves throughout every inch of her body. She reached for the towel, wrapping it about herself haphazardly in passive aggressive frustration. Mentally pouting throughout. Dragging her feet so to speak.

By the time she reached the door. Her intruder was on their fifth chime.

She took a deep breath and mentally steeled herself for something more to go wrong today. As if the battle of endless replicator malfunctions, holodeck lock-downs and the outbreak of Bejoran measles that turned out to be a completely different thing all together where not enough. All she needed to be told was that the Borg and the Vidiians wanted to engage in a fire fight. That they had allied with the Kazon and that Talaxians had turned pure evil and needed their ship to grow leola roots in.

She shook her head dispelling the ridiculous thoughts and the grey edges of exhaustion that allowed such nonsense to dance around in her brain. Getting melodramatic in my old age she thought, wrapping the robe she'd grabbed after exiting the bathroom tightly. "Come." she accepted in resignation more weariness in her voice than she had heard in a long time.

"Captain." Harry declared formally. Standing at her doorway, steel in his spine. Not daring to cross the barrier without her word.

"Mr. Kim." She hoped the surprise in her voice hadn't come off as flippant at it had sounded to her ears. Of all people whom she'd expect to be outside her quarters ringing her chime at 1200 hours as if there were a hull breach in half the ship and the only adhesive to patch it back up was in her quarter, she had least suspected Harry Kim.

"I am sorry to interrupt Captain, but there is a very important matter that needs your attention." Well, at the very least he recognized the he was in fact, interrupting. She offered him a seat, non-verbally signaling towards her couch. Taking a seat before him, she smoothed out the lines of her robe in an effort to conceal more skin as it rode up nearly mid thigh in her seated position. Her knees clasped together in the lady like fashion that her own mother and grandmother before her had drilled into her time and again. She continued the motion until the futility of the effort struck her and her hands stilling in resignation on her lap. Maintaining her lady like propriety, but never forgetting her mother's tightly pursed lips as she instructed her to sit like a young lady.

He still stood near the doorway, a statue at her entryway. "Have a seat Mr. Kim." she gestured once more towards the couch. More resolve in her voice. He sat quickly and soundlessly as if afraid of defying her with further hesitation.

"Ma'am...Captain" he brushed the palms of his hands on his pants, she assumed in an attempt to dry the perspiration...or ease his nervous energy.

"Spit it out Mr. Kim." she didn't intend to be callous but she was quickly losing patience. It had been a long couple of days and her only reprieve had been interrupted by him for a reason that his tongue did not seem to intend on helping him get across.

"Permission to speak freely Ma'am." She eyed him carefully. Mentally balancing her options. She could say no and send him on his merry way, have the possibility of that bath still being warm enough to slip into like a comfy glove. Or she could say yes, and sit here and discuss whatever was bothering him. Give up all hope of the bath and possibly going to bed at a semi-decent time.

That first option was sounding mighty nice right now.

"Granted." she almost smiled at her own response. As if there was ever an option in her mind.

He hesitated a few seconds, and then, as if someone had pushed the words right out of his belly. "Captain, do you love Commander Chakotay?" his eyes slipped away at the question. Refusing to meet her eyes. "As more than a friend." he added quickly regaining some of his breath in the process. "Like...in love. Are you In Love with Chakotay?" he continued, gearing up every ounce of courage he possessed and using it to meet her eyes.

His tongue had certainly allowed him wrangle that up quickly enough, she mused humorlessly as she felt her heart do a double beat in her chest and then slow down to the point of concern.

Searching his eyes for a split second she let her own slide closed. Taking in a long deep breath, allowing the air to fill every millimeter of her lungs and holding it for what seemed like an indefinite amount of time. "Harry..." she freed it along with his name. Suddenly feeling exhausted. More exhausted than spending most of the past two days crawling around Jeffries tubes or on her knees beneath malfunctioning consoles. More exhausted that plotting what felt like an impossible journey home when it seemed that everyone and their neighbors were out to get them. An exhaustion that came from her very core. One that resonated from within. An exhaustion that came from years of fighting the same losing battle. A battle only being fought within. "Harry..." she said again trying to find the words. Finding it even more difficult to find the captain within to handle this.

"It's alright Captain." finished for her. "You don't have to say it. Not to me."

"Why are you here?" there was an edge to her voice that was not there before. Not quite sharp but noticeable enough to caution him.

"Because you are losing him Captain." his eyes were pleading. "Because you are losing yourself. It isn't right. He loves you. He has loved you for years. You love him." his voice dropped to a bare whisper. "You belong together. You love each other." she wished he hadn't sounded like a small boy, pleading for his security blanket to be spared from the recyclers wrath. It would certainly make it easier to have this conversation without the needling of unnecessary guilt poking at her through her shroud of numbness.

But he does.

She didn't know what to say. It was as if the words just wouldn't form on her lips. Worst of all, they wouldn't form in her mind. How could she comfort him, put him at ease, when most nights she could not even comfort herself?

The knowledge that she had lost him had hit her already. She had seen him with Seven. She had caught sight of him placing a gentle kiss on her hand as he led her into Sardines' during one of Tom's gatherings. The realization had hit her to the point of near physical pain. She had been dazed the rest of the night. Slow to respond as if she had been shoved into a pool of ice cold water and forced to stay beneath the surface. But the resulting numbness she experienced for days following was not dispelled by a simply soaking in a warm bath or laying in a sauna. No not Vulcan meditations nor heated combat with a Klingon with safeties off could dispel that kind of numbness.

"It's not that simple Harry. I have a responsibility to this crew." She upturned her chin, captain's mask slipping effortlessly into place. "There are factors..."

"Being lonely is worth those factors?" his voice pleading. "Losing the love you share is worth some unattainable level of respect that Starfleet will never give?" he rose to his feet. When Harry had begun to sour? At what point had is undying devoted faith to Starfleet been shaken? "How can you even consider that this crew would be worse for wear if her Captain was happy? If her captain finally had the full support she needs?"

She rose as well."He is happy, or at least on his way." The admittance stung in her chest spreading a fire that she doubted she could put out and left a hard to swallow lump in her throat. But she continued all the same. "Seven can offer him, what I cannot."

Harry watched her for what seemed like an unnecessary amount of time. "This crew does not need a martyr, we need a Captain. Please understand the differences in the sacrifice you are making." Her features hardened but her rebuttal did not come readily.

"I think it is best if you were on your way Mr. Kim." there, that was the hard edge she needed. There was the captain. She should have been the one to handle this all along.


	2. Chapter 2

"Paris, tell me there is an Alien attack or that the crew has lost their mind and decided to destroy the ship. Tell me we are in some sort of life threatening crisis and that is the reason you are interrupting the only sleep I have been able to chase down in the past…forty eight hours." He ran a hand through his disheveled hair in frustration, leaving a few strands poking out at odd angels.

"Well, if that is what you would like to hear, I can do you the favor but it would not be why I am here." Tom walked in, his shoulder bumping past, disregarding the Commander's lack of an invitation. The quarters were dark, the only light that illuminated the room emanated from the viewport on the far wall. Stars slipped past leaving the illusion of vibrant lines streaking forward at odd angels. "You know," he paused turning to face Chakotay. "I always thought of you as an 'allnatual' kind of guy." He gestured towards Chakotay's loose slacks and Starfleet issue under-shirt.

"What is this about Tom?" He stepped in towards him, allowing the doors to close behind him, irritation evident in just about every movement of his body. Tom looked around in the darkness slumped down on the first chair he could find.

"Have a seat, make yourself at home." Chakotay added dryly. "Computer, lights at twenty-five percent." The room immediately came alive with light.

"Well, that's much…

"Cut to the chase Tom, why are you here?" his hands stationed at his hips. A gestured of impatience he had no doubt picked up from the Captain.

"Well, since you are making me feel so welcome and at home…"

"Tom." He could hear the veiled threat.

"I am here about the Captain. Actually...I am here about Kathryn Janeway." he corrected.

"Is there something wrong with her? Is she injured?" all his irritation melted away and dripped right off at the mention of her. The Lieutenant, looked pensive for a second.

"Actually there is something wrong, and she is injured." His eyes narrowed in Chakotay's direction.

Chakotay's eyebrows furrowed in concern, his hand immediately going towards his combadge. "Computer, locate…"

"Stop." Tom said quickly bolting to his feet. "She does not have a physical injury." Chakotay maintained eye contact, a mixture of concern and irritation. What kind of game was Paris playing now? Showing up in the middle of the night, trying to worry him, to what end? His patience was wearing thin and he doubted Tom was ready to handle it any thinner.

"I don't know what kind of game you are playing Mr. Paris but I want no part of it." He snapped, teeth gritting in agitation.

"Games? Me? No Commander. I am not the Player anymore. These days you are on your own on the field."

"What the hell are you going on about Paris? If you don't start making sense soon I will personally haul your ass to sickbay or the brig if you continue to..."

"What I am talking about 'Commander' is your obvious lack of concern for the captain's emotional well being. What I am talking about, is this ridiculous relationship you have endeavored to start with Seven of Nine knowing damn well that you are still in love with Kathryn! You talk about _me_ playing games…"

"Paris!" Chakotay felt a strange fury begin to prickle at the back of his neck. Dull little needles trying to burrow their way down his back and around his skull. Paris ignored the unspoken threat growled in the form of his name.

"No!" pulling anger from his own reserve. A well of unexpressed fury from which he tapped into when the need arose. Or at least that is what he would like to think. He rather see it for that then what it really was, a dark pool he forever fought not to fall into. A pool he was sure Chakotay was familiar with. He had recognized it in the man's eyes on more than one occasion, as he was sure Chakotay could recognize it in his now. "No Chakotay, you don't shrink away from this. You have hurt Kathryn Janeway. In the worst way you could. I understand your need for companionship, I do." the muscles in his jaw visibly clenched and released. "I understood Seska…before all the…you know, malevolence. I understood Frazier, heck I even understood Kellin. But Seven of Nine? You decided that Seven of Nine would be the next?" His voice had managed to climb. He was at the point of speaking through gritted teeth in sheer effort to keep everyone on the ship from finding out why he was here. "If you weren't trying to hurt her, then I have given you a hell of a lot more credit all these years than you deserve Chakotay." Tom hadn't realized he had gotten so close to Chakotay till the tips of his boots contact with Chakotay's. "Of all the people on this ship Chakotay, how could you be the one to use her love for you against her? I never believed you to be that vengeful." He didn't even attempt to keep the disappointment from his voice. "That is not the man who saved my life."

The line fell heavy between them.

Creating a silence that seemed to last longer than either one of them was comfortable with, "Are you finished?"

Chakotay spoke a last. Low and rough, his eyes narrowed to a point between Toms eyes. At the lack of response from the helms man he continued. "First off, I would never consciously hurt Kathryn. As to your claim that I have used her love for me against her, you are very off in your assessment. Kathryn and I are friends. She has remained solid in her decision to remain friends and I do not see how I could possibly be using any feelings you claim she has towards me or what Seven would have to do with any of …" Tom looked just about ready go off again. Gears shifting into place that he should just let be, but the man's words just had a timber of ignorance or dare he say outright stupidity to them that just spoke to the gears directly.

He took a step back, feeling himself toeing into that pool.

"So you don't see starting a relationship with the woman she has been practically guiding as her own daughter could feel like a betrayal coming from the man she loves?" he didn't expect an answer, but Chakotay provided one all the same anyway.

"There you go again, throwing the L word around." He shook his head in dismissal. "Kathryn and I are just friends. She has made that abundantly clear."

"So, that would mean you don't love her right?" Chakotay stared blankly at him. "Go on Chakotay, you are an honest man right? Say it. Say, I don't love Kathryn Janeway." Chakotay stared, lips pressed into a tight line and continued to stare as anger and some indescribable emotion pooled in his chest, something suspiciously akin to fear. "You can't say it can you?" he smirked smugly.

Chakotay lowered his gaze in defeat tight lips still in place. "It does not matter." His anger slowly draining with every word leaving only disappointment and resignation in its wake. "She has set very clear boundaries in our relationship. She has made it very clear that she does not feel the same." His voice lowered to a near whisper. A deep contrast to the screaming match they were partaking in a few minutes ago.

"Have you ever asked her if she loves you?" Chakotay remained silent. His eyes dropping from Tom's."Then who are you to assume she does or does not?"

"Her actions.."

"She is the Captain Chakotay. Her actions are what they are, but we are not speaking about the Captain right now. We are speaking about Kathryn Janeway. While they are one and the same there is a large distinction to be made." Chakotay contemplated the statement for a beat. "Let me just give you a tip Chakotay," a sinful smiled crossed Tom's lips for the barest of seconds. "Since you are not nearly the player I once was. It takes more than a single player to decide on the rules of the game."


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn tossed and turned for more than an hour before giving up, coming to the conclusion that sleep would be unattainable tonight. After replicating herself a hot cup of coffee she settled down on her couch with said cup and a book. Harry's visit had chased away any chance of catching any sleep tonight. The conversation had left her rattled and emotionally defeated, her already overly active mind buzzing with emotional frustration. She doubted she would even be able to focus on her book as parts of what he'd said continued to float into her thoughts, and images of Chakotay kept her from focusing on anything but, and she wanted to. Badly. She wanted to think about anything but him.

It wasn't until she'd finally managed to understand the first few pages, after reading them only...seven times that her chime rang for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

The unexpected sound startled her, and her hands stumbled to keep hold of the book in her grasp before it hit the ground. Only managing to catch it a centimeter before it touched-down. "Come" she instructed as she settled back into place. Her book now securely face-down on her lap.

"I hope I am not interrupting." Well, speak of the devil. Kathryn's heart sped at the sound of his voice. He walked in just enough to allow the doors to hiss closed behind him but made it no further than her door way.

"No, it's fine. Come in, how may I help you?" the speed with which she said it gave the impression that he had done just that. He hesitated for a moment as if assessing whether to approach her or not before taking a slow walk over to her and settling down on a seat next to her on the couch. Not close enough to invade her personal space but not far enough to keep the scent of her hair away from his nostrils. They sat in silence for what seemed like ages what used to be a comfortable silence a few weeks ago felt heavy and thick, a wool blanket on a summer day.

"Kathryn..."

"Chakotay..." they spoke in unison, each stopping to allow the other to finish.

"No, you go ahead." Again, in unison.

"Shall we dance?" They smiled as she remembered when they would 'dance' at the tubolifts, as he called it. Moving concurrently left and right in an effort to avoid each other but achieving just the opposite.

"Kathryn..." his smile faltered, she recognized that tone well. That was a tone of change, a tone reserved for ancient legends, serious confrontations... She dreaded that tone. She wished that her heart would stop pounding in her throat. That is would stop pounding for him. She wished that she was home, with snow outside her window and her head buried under a pillow like when she was a child, she wished that he would leave, leave her to her numbness and her loneliness. She wished that he was hers, she, wished. She wished more things than there were stars outside the viewport at this very moment.

"Yes." Pushing all wishing aside. Trying her best to sound stronger than she felt.

"Do you love me?" Chakotay said it before he lost his nerve. Going right for the jugular, no run around, no buttering up, no unneeded words. Spitting it passed his lips, a poison dart. Kathryn stilled, the natural pink tinge of her skin slipping away leaving her looking ashen and cold. Stricken. Her mouth opened and closed as if the words stuck in her throat. The poison settling in with every passing second.

Chakotay felt his own heart hammer in his chest. Strong and steady, part of him truly believing it could be heard all the way down the corridor.

She was frozen. Her mind raced for the right answer but could not find it. Not the one that was appropriate. Not the intelligent answer. All that her mind would provide was a screaming YES, Chakotay. I love you. I love you with all my heart. I love you every space within my body, in the galaxy, in the uni…but she was frozen. And part of her knew that answer was unacceptable. She was the captain. She had a duty to this crew. "Chakotay I…" her heart was on a rollercoaster, falling from a ridiculously high altitude, bracing for the sudden stop. She made a concentrated effort to school her features. To set her chin, shield her eyes of all expression an effort to step into the person that she needed to be. Making her best effort, with the little fortitude she seemed to have tonight. The same fortitude that she has been finding in smaller and smaller quantities with each passing day. Perhaps the endless amount she felt in the past sprung a leak somewhere along the way.

"Kathryn?" he moved closer, concerned. "Are you alright?" he cupped her chin, his fingertips just lingering over the surface of her skin, upturning her face as if to convince himself. His fingers warmed her skin, cut through layers of numbness with the ease of a knife through warm butter… and something inside her just cracked. Cracked and split and splintered all around them.

Without thought, without pretence and without even the slight utterance of sense, Kathryn did something so brash, so utterly reckless, and indiscreet...

She felt her heart swell to extraordinary proportions, on the verge of exploding in her very chest. It would surely take them both out in the process.

She kissed him.

Just lunged right in and allowed her lips to press hard against his.

Not the sweet slow savoring, sensual learning of each other's textures and consistency that she had always fantasized about but the frenzied desperation of a child opening a present on Christmas morning. A hungry devouring, an acute desperation, laser focus on the point of link. The warmth spread from that very spot, emanating throughout her body. Waves during a storm, gradually growing in intensity and force; crashing against walls of wary concrete, once thought made of steel. Time had proven otherwise as the warmth seeped in through those very fractures, making her skin glow with heat she had forgotten she could feel. The hand that cupped her chin somehow slipped to the nape of her neck, his free hand managing to tangle in her locks. Trapping her within the kiss. Forcing it to deepen. Urging it to bloom.

She kissed him with the fervor of a dying woman. A woman whom and been denied a drink in years, his mouth was a vast lake. A fresh water stream from the very mountains she had gazed at for years, from her desert.

He cherished every second, drinking in her breath as if he needed it to fuel his own. Transmitting every emotion, every beat of his heart through their bond. Caressing her, easing her desperation by running the tip of his tongue across her lips. Slowing her down. Savoring this break in her shield. He wanted her to feel every sleepless night he'd spent tossing and turning to thoughts of her. Every cold shower, each skipped beat while she managed to get herself tangled up in some new unknown danger, every heartfelt longing that she stirred not just in his loins but in his very core of being, every ounce of sentiment…

He had no idea when he had managed to get her beneath him on the couch, nor why the smell of just her skin, not roses or oils that lingered there, but just that essence of _her_; managed to be the single most arousing smell he could ever recall. Or the fact that the skin on her neck felt smoother than any porcelain …Anything! That he has ever encountered.

It only registered to him that she felt slighter than he would have imagined, perhaps the uniform gave her more bulk...or perhaps authority did.

When the chime rang and all motions stilled, Chakotay had to bite his lip to keep the growl building in his throat from erupting. The look that flashed across Kathryn's face prompted him begin to rise, wisely, as gently and awkwardly as can only be expected when you have just passionately made out with your commanding officer on her couch. If he hadn't seen the sheer distressed mortification evident on her face he would have been tempted to smile.

Breathless and flushed she bolted from beneath him the second he started to pull away. Managing a near six feet clearance in record time. Tom would have been proud. Near warp ten and all it took was a kiss from him.

Running a hand through her hair she turned away from him, an attempt to gather her bearings he suspected, something he much rather she didn't. This was the most honest interaction he could say they had, had, in..years. Not her physical proximity, or even the actual kiss. But the sheer raw emotion he'd felt when she kissed him. Spirits!..the hunger and anger and hurt coming through in thick tendrils. Ensnaring him. But overall, the love... indisputable. The unfiltered emotions running right on …

The Chime sounded once more.

It took her a few more moments to gather herself, before she instructed her next visitor in scrambling around her own head to collect her scattered bearings and the small shreds of dignity she could find on such short notice.

"Come." she resisted the urge to cringe at the sound of her own husky, breathless voice.

As Seven stepped in through her doorway Kathryn made a mental promise to herself. From now on there would be no visits after ten hundred hours to the Captains quarters allowed. There had better be a damn near warpcore overload before she allowed anyone else in this late again. Yes, that's right. She chewed the thought over in her head. Containing the drumming in her chest that had just now decided was going to mimic a hamster's trying to power an entire starship's warpcore by running on a wheel. Poised above a volcano. On a planet who's sun was about to implode.

"Good Evening Captain.," Statuesque, and gorgeous as ever. "...Chakotay."

Kathryn searched for her poker face once again. She was not sure if she found it, her features felt like they performed a mockery of her diplomatic Captain's mask. Perhaps her poker face was hiding in whatever corner of the ship the captain had decided to go to. Perhaps that place was more isolated and with lots of coffee. Why else would she desert her when she needed her so desperately? The coward.

There was an unspoken question in the way Seven's eyes shifted from Kathryn to Chakotay and back. Taking in Kathryn's swollen lips, slightly tussled hair, reddened complexion...Chakotay's quickened breath, unusually dilated eyes and... Interesting. Her head shifted minimally in assessment.

"Seven." Kathryn shifted uncomfortably. "How can I help you?" she held back on offering her a seat. She was on the verge of asking them both to leave and …

"You have dropped your book." she replied, momentarily side stepping her question as she took the few steps to gingerly retrieve it from the ground at Chakotay's feet. She glanced down at the cover. "Alice in wonderland." her brow rose infinitesimally. Strangely fitting. She handed Kathryn the book.

Chakotay's eyes assessed Seven, then Kathryn; he began to grow somewhat inpatient. "I apologize for the intrusion Captain, I wished to speak to you on a matter of personal nature, I was not aware that Chakotay would be seeking your counsel at this time as well."

"Yes, well...the Commander stopped by to discuss an...issue that arose." Poor choice of words judging by the eye brow that shot up on seven's face.

A silence settled between the three for what must have been minutes. This was certainly a night for brash questions and awkward silences.

The commander stepped forward. "It might be best if we continue this conversation, Tomorrow." breaking the uncomfortable silence. It took more than he thought possible to consummate sentence. He wanted nothing more than to send Seven away and pry from Kathryn's lips the answer that the very breath in her throat was giving him not five minutes ago. To feel every syllable that she would not allow herself to utter in the pulse point of her neck.

But he understood, from the guilt he saw reflecting in the blue pools that Kathryn's eyes had become he would be lucky if he could manage to have her acknowledge the kiss tomorrow.

But he would.

He had a new-found sense of determination coursing through his blood like a poison. Spreading and infecting every fiber of his being with security. He would not allow her to back down. He'd tasted her answer on his lips. Bitter-sweet as it had been it was there. Strong and steady., and the knowledge left him brimming with a sense of power he never realized he possessed. Tom's advice had never seemed so wise. Ever.

He would not let her back down any more. He'd been a fool to allow it for this long.

Glancing at seven, he expected to feel a sick sense of guilt. Remorse. But he felt nothing more than a quiet awareness of error. His intention had never been to hurt the young woman. She was smart, beautiful and charming in her own budding way but the truth of the matter was that she could never hold a candle up to Kathryn. Not for him. Looking at her now he could not figure out how he had deluded himself into thinking otherwise. He faced her now as if seeing her for the first time and could not place a single rational thought he'd used to arrive at his erroneous conclusion. Had he really been that desperate to forget Kathryn?

Lifting a hand to stop him mid step. "Do not leave. It would be more efficient to speak to you both. Simultaneously."

Chakotay and Kathryn's eyes met synchronously.

"Would you like a seat?" Kathryn gestured in resignation.

"That will be not be necessary." lifting that chin of hers that spoke of iron strong control. "I wish to terminate our courtship, Chakotay. I do not believe it is a beneficial partnership to both participating parties." Well, that certainly escalated quickly.

Chakotay opened and closed his mouth in disbelief. Kathryn turned away, refusing to meet his eyes. Guilt no doubt needling at her like tiny pin pricks on a small sponge. Muttering a few words, an excuse from the room she took a few steps towards her bedroom. "No, Captain." She stopped mid step. "It is my observation that the Commander and you would benefit from a partnership of such a nature in a much more beneficial way."

Was there some sort of staff meeting about this without her knowing?

"Seven…" She continued.

"Commander, I do not wish to hurt your...ego. But it is my observation that the Captain and yourself share an attraction that we do not." Her cool tone betrayed no emotion. "When the captain walks into a room your pulse and respirations quicken by 20%. Your levels of concern for her day to day nutrition intake and rest schedule are akin to that of a parent. The way you observe her at social gathering, when you believe others are not aware are unlike the way you look at anyone else." Her eyes shifted to Kathryn, icy blue. "Captain. The way you avoid sustaining eye contact with the Commander, while he clearly attempts to maintain. Your avoidance of direct physical contact with the Commander, however cordially." She paused, her head cocking to the side, as if adjusting to her thoughts. "You have distanced yourself further since the Commander and I have began publicly courting." Her brows knit together closely.

She wasn't much different than Harry, Chakotay thought, mentally kicking himself around. Much younger emotionally than he realized. What had he been thinking? He felt like the biggest idiot at that very moment. Tom was starting to make a lot more sense than he felt comfortable admitting. Maybe he should have B'Elanna check for anomalous readings in the surrounding area. "It is obvious that there are deeper emotions that you are choosing to ignore. The efficiency of your command would benefit from the partnership. It is well know that unrequited love is an inefficient expenditure of energy."

They _were_always in need of energy.

"It would also assist in raising the overall moral of the ship as it seems to be a large topic of discussion among the crew." She stopped her speech a hint of relief in her voice, a small self satisfied tug at the corners of her lips.

Kathryn, blinked several times in quick succession, an effort to gather her thoughts Seven's extensive list."Seven, while I appreciate your input. The commander and I are.."

"Discussing this in private." He finished, a warning gaze in her direction. Her eyes narrowed at the tone in his voice, remind him who was still in charge. He was unfazed, somewhere along the lines of their kiss he realized that backing down was not at option. He was not here to enamor the Captain. He we was here to claim Kathryn's heart. Something that he realized now he already possessed. He would not allow her to continue to dictate for both their hearts under pretence of command.

"I wish you both…happiness" the flash of …dare I say, sadness in her voice and the slight tilt of her chin gave him a weak pang of guilt. But as quickly as it appeared it was gone. Replaced by a sense of relief.

"Seven, I appreciate you having the ...honesty to inform me of your decision and the reasoning behind it." Clumsy, but it was late and he was growing more impatient by the minute. "I would really appreciate if you would leave Kathryn and I to speak." At least he did not say _Dismissed_.

"Yes." Turning on her heels with not so much as a glance back.

The doors hissed closed and then there it was again...silence. Of the heavy variety. The kind that irritates your ears as well as, if not more than nails against a chalk board or a squealing targ.

Kathryn eyed him carefully, making sure she did so through lowered lashes. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. But if he felt any embarrassment or sadness over just having essentially been 'gently' dumped by Seven of Nine, he certainly hid it well. In fact, he looked alleviated.

"Well, commander, we have both had considerably long days. I trust that I will see you on the bridge tomorrow." She sped through the sentence, placing the book on the seat of one of her chairs and making a valiant attempt of escape.

"You still haven't answered my question Kathryn."

Her back to him, he could make out her slow deep breath forming before she turned.

He recognized the rigid set of her jaw. The stiffness in her spine. "Like I said, _Commander_. It has been a very long day. We will discuss this in the morning." Captain had decided to come and join them.

He would have none of that.

He strode towards her closing the gap between them standing toe to toe with her. "We are not on duty. I am not going to be pushed aside again." It was he who initiated the kiss this time, gripping at her forearms. His fingers digging into soft warm flesh, his tongue invading her mouth in a much more aggressive manner than their first kiss. She softened after only a second, drinking him in once more. She would be damned if she didn't figure out where that leak in her resolve was.

"Tell me Kathryn" he growled, his lips pulling away from hers. "answer, my question. Do you love me?" he needed her to say it. He needed the words to leave her lips, to confirm what her kiss already had.

He could see the battle being waged inside her. The conflict in flashes across her expression. Pushing and pulling in different directions. He kissed her again and this time didn't stop until the need for air made their heads spin. She kept her eyes closed, not trusting herself to meet his. He kissed her again, walking her back, didn't stop until her back hit the wall. He pressed her into it with his own body."Tell me you don't love me then? Tell me you want me to leave and I won't come back. Say it Kathryn." He pressed.

"Chakotay I…" she found it difficult to breath. "I have a responsibility…"

"That I share."

"I have to maintain my focus."

"That is already split." He voiced. "Do you think actually consummating this…" He gestured at the invisible something between them. "would harms ships business, that it would start a sequence of events leading to voyagers imminent demise?"

"This crew is my priority. I need to get them home."

"I am not asking to be your priority. I know your responsibilities, I share them. And we will get them home. Together. But not at the cost of watching you drift alone, not when what we have is so special. It is an unnecessary sacrifice."

A martyr. That is what it really boiled down to. Harry was right. She was martyring herself for this crew. He took her quiet reflection as an opportunity to kiss her again. This time taking his time, an exploration.

The chime. The infernal chime!

Chakotay rested his forehead against Kathryn's in frustration.

Kathryn shifted against him, pushing gently at his shoulders. He didn't budge. "Commuter," his tone lethal. "Who is at Captain Janeway's door?"

"Lt. B'Elanna Torres." the dispassionate female voice replied.

Tapping at his combadge, annoyance evident in the fluid motion. "Chakotay to Torres."

"Torres."

"B'Elanna, is there an emergency?"

"What? No, why?" confusion registered in her voice.

"Then I recommend speaking to the Captain tomorrow."

"How did you know I…" he cut the link, eyes narrowing with laser point precision on Kathryn's wide blues.

"Are you ready to tell me?" She felt a rush of warmth sweep through her at the intensity of his scrutiny. Warmth crawling up the base of her neck, spreading throughout, leaving her face burning. She didn't know why her words were failing her this evening of all, but it was frustrating as hell. Perhaps it had been his approach, he had knocked her completely off base, never having dealt with this side of Chakotay in this facet; his proximity was wreaking havoc on her common sense. If she'd been anywhere near her right mind, she would have kick him out on his ass for this. He was lucky thus far that she hadn't outright contacted Tuvok and arranged a brig vacation for him. "Good." Did he have to sound so smug? The kiss this time made her melt into a puddle at his feet. She was sure she was a liquid mass splashing around at his boots. The intensity of the feeling didn't fully register; in fact, thoughts didn't fully register at this point. Not when she felt so warm and liquid and perfect. So when his kisses made the smooth transition from her mouth to the throbbing pulse at her neck and his hands slid down to her ribcage in one elegant caress, she was none the wiser. But they certainly didn't rest long before she felt the pressure of large hands on her waist. If all sense of self preservation hadn't flown from her head at something akin to the speed of light the moment his mouth touched hers it certainly dripped away like melted candle wax now; when a hand slid to her thigh, lifting it around his waist and giving her a gentle squeeze.

She made what could only be described as a small keening sound in the back of her throat. "You don't love me, right Kathryn?" the smug tone in his voice made her want to slap him for a split second. But the feeling escaped her grasp as the hand that caressed her thigh, toyed with different levels of pressure against her skin, all the while he nipping and licking lower and lower on her neck, and her collarbone. It wasn't until his hand moved to her inner thigh that a bright flash of her guard rose struggling to regain a sense of self. She tried to fight through the haze of arousal but all she wanted was...unacceptable. "Talk to me Kathryn." he stilled his movements, slipping his hands away and taking a step back at the feel of her body tensing beneath his fingers.

The cold air assaulting her senses at the sudden loss of his body heat.

"I..." she bite her lips to keep the words from spilling out. Her heart jack-hammering in her chest like that poor little hamster that is powering the warpcore. Her breath coming in short uneven gasps leaving her light-headed and faint.

"Please Chakotay..."

"Please what Kathryn?" he kept a foot clearance. Needing to hear it without further physical manipulation."Please what Kathryn?" he pressed.

"Chakotay I…" why had her strength betrayed her tonight? "I do." She whispered. Her eyes slipping closed in surrender. "I do." A grated whisper. "I love you more than the last breath I took." She refused to meet his eyes, leaning heavily on the wall for support. Her heart beat painfully in her chest at the admission. Years of denial had left her feeling weary at the acquiescence. Feeling as if she had failed somehow. Chakotay reached out and pulled her into his grasp, embracing her. His heart swelled in his body, at the defeated confession that he planned to receive it again.

And again, and again...

With more tenacity. The one he knew they both felt.

Slipping an arm beneath her knees and another around her back, he carefully lifted her. She resisted a bit but exhaustions finally won out, she settled in his grasp. Refusing to admit how right it felt just yet.

The crack in the wall having widened.

It would take time. There was no doubt in his mind that there was still much work to do to bring it down but he was a happy man with his start. The rest was a matter of time.

He carried her to the bedroom, laying her cautiously down on the bed resting weary muscles beside her content and at peace for the first time since...longer that he would like to think about at this hour. Kathryn rested beside him, allowing the warmth and love to creep in… ensnaring the icy numbness, dissolving it in to smaller and smaller portions…

"I love you." She whispered, testing the words on her lips. He smiled.

Another small victory. "I love you." His arm snaked around her. Pulling her close.

The chime sounded once more.

_A/N: Sorry for the long delay and the sudden shift in rating! I planned to keep it PG the whole time, but the story kind of took on a life of its own._

_Thanks a billion, zillion to Val, who not only Betaed this, but encouraged me to turn it into what it is. (She told me to take it there!)_

_And thank you to all who have left such lovely reviews, I am still very new at this and your reviews really make my day._

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